Heh.. reminds me of Ramon's favourite U2 tune - Sunday, Bloody Sunday. I love lots of U2 songs but I never had any affinity with that particular one. Don't ask me why. I just don't know.
Kind of having mental fatigue now, from staying up till 3.30am (!!) reading Haruki Murakami's Wind Up Bird Chronicle. Yes, the book is that tiring - he describes every single moment, every nano second of Toru Okada's life as if there was all the time in the world to think about every single thing that happened and make comparisons that make you go "Hmmm.. I'd never think of it like that...". It's the type of book that you cannot put down easily but you know you have to put it down because you are tired and need some sleep, and at times - the book seemed all too ludicrous and hard to follow. Yes, it had too many surprises, so far. I can't imagine that I'm reading a translated version from a successful Japanase series of book, written in Japanese. You know what I mean. It's complicated as it is, in English. I can't imagine how reading it must be like in Kanji or whatever.
I had a weird dream too, this morning. As I woke up, I was seriously contemplating blogging it as I could remember every single detail of that dream but decided not to because I figured it'll be too boring as you guys will probably scoff at such illogical dreams (or the fact that I'm wasting your precious time, hahahah!!). It's so illogical because the people who were in it I haven't met, or even thought of, in decades. So, why they are appearing in my dreams now, I'll never know.
Anyway, as I was watching Red Hot Chili Pepper's Soul To Squeeze music video on YouTube, I suddenly thought of like shutting everybody up and just announce that I'm getting married.I just realised the superficiality of it all. I could comfort everybody and assure them that
1) I'm not gay
2) I need to get a life, thus I need to get married
3) I'm 30 - I should listen to them and get married so that my age gap with my future child will not be so vast
4) I need to just get married without concerning about looks because my marriage will not work out if I choose a good-looking girl.
It really does seem that people do need visual confirmations and indications that I do indeed have a life that is fulfilling, or at least I think they need me to announce events in my life so that they will reluctantly veer away from the narrow perspectives about people. I will never know why everybody seems to expect everybody else to live their 9 - 5 lives and expect everybody to do the things they do within the same timeframes.
The song Soul To Squeeze is a soundtrack to the movie Coneheads (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Coneheads_%28film%29) and the music video shows the band playing to background scenes of circus performers, largely people different from you and me - midgets, people who walk around with their hands because of lower limb deformities and the like. Somehow, I suddenly feel that I feel what these people feel. Except for the fact that my whole life is a little bit different from most people that I know, and the fact that I have successfully hidden the fact that I am different - I only feel frustrated (sometimes) that I have to hide all this and put a false front.I don't know if friends will finally understand why my life is so when I tell them my life story but I finally realised that some people just will not be able to accept you for who you are. Maybe because the responsibility will be tasked upon them to treat you with extra care, and they may not like to do that.
I do feel glad though, that some people are in the know - and I respect them for not treating people like me, the wannabe circus freak, no different from the way they treat regular people.
These people are whom I call real friends.
