Weyell... I've not been really enthusiastic about Hari Raya celebrations since my ma and my grandma passed away three years ago and this year is no different..
I also kinda had a small tiff with my pa a few days ago but I've always told myself - he is who we have left and my siblings should cherish him more because of that fact. All our grandparents have left us. Not because they didnt live long enough (my last surviving grandpa lived till 90 plus and he could WALK all the way from Bukit Batok to Choa Chu Kang when he got lost till the police found him) but I suppose the good ones do go quite early. Somehow I always believe that God love these people more and want them beside HIM in heaven. I remember my sergeant in the army, who was a fit man and was really pious and kind-hearted, suddenly contracted leaukemia and died shortly in his 30s. Of course, this is not to say that those who live till old age and without health problems are bad people. I believe these people are here to stay and provide lessons for everyone to learn and also guide them. Some people do learn a lot less quickly than others.
I still enjoy the songs that fill the air come Aidilfitri, the really old ones that you NEVER get sick of. I sometimes really wonder how people can write and arrange songs to really fit the occassion and capture the festive mood (for the happy songs) and nostalgia and sadness (for the sad songs). It really borders on the magical, I think.
There is also, of course, the food. More like comfort food to me really. Food that ma and grandma always whipped up, filling the air in the house with aroma of really delicious food. What amazed me was, NONE of my ma's Hari Raya dishes was not delicious. Every dish was lip-smackingly good. I remember my mates Yus, Yaz, Fadil and the others were always too happy to come to my house to savour my ma's cooking and she was always really happy to have all these boys come and tuck in on our dinner table. During the happy times when she was around, my house was always filled with my ma's siblings during open house and it made me really happy to see my ma all smiles among her many siblings (like 10 of them, all girls save for one guy - my uncle Wak Man). They were really close to each other.
Now, I don't even feel like celebrating and visiting. Probably because I'm not really close to my father's new wife and family. I don't really resent anything but I really will not ever call anybody whom I just knew, just because she married my father, Mama, Mummy or whatever. To me, I will only have one mother - the person who gave birth to me, nurtured me, scolded me, shed tears for me, taught me, fed me, clothed me and loved me.
I've got a feeling things will not change anytime soon but I hope I will not disappoint my father. He is all we have and I will try not to forget that. I know he is a strong and intelligent man and he will live till old age but if we all do not keep showing our love and concern for him, God may just take him away.
I really hope to have many more Hari Rayas with my dad.
**** Hahaha! Forgot something I meant to mention. On the eve of Hari Raya, the cabby who took me to Choa Chu Kang cemetary was a Medicorp artiste. I remember he appeared in both Channel 8 and 5. I don't remember his name nor did I remember to ask him (he just said shyly 'I think maybe you've taken my taxi before lah..') but I remember he was quite a scrawny ah pek aged about late 40s, wore glasses, had beady little eyes and always played the kaypoh or loudmouth types. He was kind enough to wait until I finished offering prayers and writing a Hari Raya card for my mother at the grave. Well, I also thought that it would be tough for him to get fares in that area, so I offered him to just let the meter run while he waited. =)
